Everything really got out of hand there! Anyway, at least I got this in before the sim?
KCK Press Release July
Handicapping the Playoff Race
Special thanks to Windows 95 for the word art!
Division Winners:
74-35 .679% 1st in CL East
Run Differential: +202
Robot Odds: 100% Division Winner/100% Playoff
Deadline Moves:
- OUT:
- - RP Paco Ruiz (0.2 WAR projected)
- - 3B Felipe Rodriguez (0.7 WAR projected)
- - Vic Langlois (0.7 WAR projected)
- IN:
- + SP Hong-ryul Yun (3.3 WAR projected)
Comments: Fuck and Yes, these guys get it. 199 Dongs and counting, best in the CL. Losing Dillion Nelson hurts, and is probably why Mustafa went out and got the YUN. Did I mention they have the second most runs scored? So even if you get to their bullpen, you’re probably already down 4 or 5 runs.
Weakness:
Bullpen! Greenville ranks 11th in the CL when it comes to bullpen ERA. The problem for opposing teams is getting to that bullpen. If you can start teeing off on Ricardo Trujilo, Dave Smith and his 6.66 ERA, you might have a chance.
Colin’s Crystal Cylinder of Projections:
LOL. LOCK barring MULTIPLE injuries. The best team $150 million can buy.
89-21 .809% 1st in CL Central
Run Differential: +338
Robot Odds: 100% Division Winner/100% Playoff/99.9% best Record
Deadline Moves:
- OUT:
- Cash Money
- SP Dae-ho Kim (2.8 WAR projected)
- IN:
- + SP Claudio Martinez (5.8 WAR projected)
- + Some Prospects
Comments: It was kind of Dookie to let the rest of the league have a chance by injuring Derek Davidson. Of course that was nowhere close to being enough, as Felipe Guerrero just decided, hey, why not knock in 200 RBIs this year? Also, the Stars are top 3 in every CL category except defensive efficiency.
The Star’s +338 run differential is so INSANE let’s play a little game. Let’s take away the 2nd highest Run Differential in the league Greenville at +202. That leaves the Stars with a +136 RD, which would lead the CL West and NL South. The highest run differential in MLB history was the 1939 Yankees with +411. It’s fucking possible.
Weakness:
Dookie may honestly be feeling guilty. He got rid of Plymouth Package © 22 year old Kim for the “Grasshopper”, who is certainly better right now, but is 4 years older and doesn’t have 10 years of team control for $2.5 million/year.
As for a real weakness… they’re only 8th in Defensive Efficiency?
Colin’s Crystal Cylinder of Projections:
Be serious. Anything less than a playoff sweep would be a mild surprise. The Warriors just went 16-1. I want perfection Dookie.
69-40 .633% 1st in CL Western
Run Differential: +109
Robot Odds: 83.5% Division Winner/93.7% Playoff
Deadline Moves:
- OUT:
- "Prospects"
- IN:
- + 1B Will Brown (Leadership)
Comments:
Kevin doubled down on his team’s main strength in the offseason, and its showing. With Dick Hunter hitting his yearly multi-month injury, Seattle is really going to struggle to score runs. This Dick gets hurt more than Joel Embiid! (ouch, self-own L)
Weaknesses:
Good god, offense. Luckily, GM Carter noticed that his team was ranked in the bottom 3rd of each CL offensive category and orchestrated a trade for 1B Will Brown. Ok, I honestly don’t know how to go any further without being mean…
So here goes:
Asking Will Brown to save your offense is like asking Bill Cosby to make you a mixed drink.
Asking Will Brown to save your offense is like asking Uber to hire a women.
Asking Will Brown to save your offense is like asking Alex Jones about Sandy Hook on national TV.
Asking Will Brown to save your offense is like asking the alt-right to understand basic Shakespeare.
I’m saying it’s going to end poorly.
Colin’s Crystal Cylinder of Projections:
Hey, our first actual race! Vista is projected by the robot to only have a 12% chance of taking the division, but I’m not sure if taking into account for the tight injury competition between the two. Vista recently upped the ante by injuring Dante Owens so I’m going to say, with no research or analytics, that Seattle hangs onto the division.
Ok, this part is going to be way more work than I imagined considering there are 7 goddamn teams in the race (which I arbitrarily define as being less than 6 games out).
Wild Card:
Ok, this part is going to be way more work than I imagined considering there are 7 goddamn teams in the race (which I arbitrarily define as being less than 6 games out).
Speed round:
68-43 .613% 2nd in CL Central
Run Differential: +185
Robot Odds: 0.0% Division Winner/95.1% Playoff
Deadline Moves:
- IN:
- SP Geoffrey Keller (3.3 projected WAR)
- RP Manuel Parra (0.8 projected WAR)
- CFCy Keynes (3.8 WAR in 2027)
- OUT:
- Money
- SP Ron Martin (54th BSA rated Prospect)
- 1B Manuel Hegnauer (82nd BSA rated Prospect)
Comments:
Did you guys know that KCK stands for “Kost Controlled Kolin”? I like my acquisitions to have at least another year or team options. I’m really running into a pickle where I’m more competitive than I expected, yet still have a tiny budget, so I can’t really go all out. No flashy trades for superstars like Oscar Wheeler or Ben Moody to fix my glaring pitching weakness- but Keller is solid and at 5mil/year shouldn’t break the bank. Cy Keynes, picked up in FA, is on team options for two more years- should provide a boost over Oliver Lugo in centerfield. Or at the very least, will improve on Lugo’s .280 OBP and let Lugo shift back into a defensive wizard role.
Weakness:
Pitching of all stripes. Let’s try to get some ERAs under 4 here guys, we want to be taken seriously!
Colin’s Glowing Orb of Prediction and Power:
My run differential looks good, but I only get to play Austin one more time in the last series of the year (so no more 19-0 wins). I’ve been very luckily with injuries as well, so my team better keep their heads down out there. Vista, Jersey Shore, Kalamazoo, Fresno are all legit teams that are only a series sweep of me away. And is St. Louis really re-building? I say no! But fuck it, toss me down for a WC berth.
Good God, that was 5 pages in Microsoft Word and I'm supposed to be applying for jobs. Well, the next sim will shake up the WC, so I'll pick it off from there next time on KCK PRESS RELEASES
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