New York Yankees:
Unarguably the most prestigious team in the MLB, maybe even in American sports. Year in and year out, all they do is win- and not just in my lifetime. They also seem to have an outsized impact on the league rules/management, have a literal Babe Ruth, a team name offensive to southerners, and just when you thought their reign was over, here comes Aaron Judge!
BSA: Jersey Shore D-Bags
Babe Ruth = David Dodd
Lou Gehrig = Mike Bryant
Aaron Judge (as in successful youngster, not the dinger machine) = Richardo Gonzalez
Colorado Rockies:
The Rockies are mostly known for playing in a bandbox a mile above sea level. However, this year, they’re making some serious noise early in the season. However, their hot start might be an illusion, probably more of a .500 team. Also, when was the last time you heard from either of them?
Orlando Calrissian
Mark Reynolds!? = Rich Anderson
New Orleans Looters = L.A Dodgers
San Francisco Giants:
The Giants probably had some good preseason press, but its 2017 so it never mattered. Used to have the greatest player of all time Barry Bonds. http://www.sbnation.com/2017/
Seattle Pikes
Barry Bonds = Albert Lebel
Kevin = Tim Lincecum
Red Sox:
Great rookies, established vets, yet somehow underperforming this year. Giant fan base, signs free agents, has a top 5 player in the league who is under 26… wait this one actually works! Why, it’s our good friends in:
SoCal Bruins
Mookie Betts/Andrew Benintendi/Xander Bogarts = Jeffrey King, Earl Wiggins
Baltimore Orioles:
Listen, this list isn’t exhaustive, and some of these are going to be based more on recent history. So here we have Baltimore, having stormed out to a .667 winning percentage with a run differential of just +13. Unfortunately BSA isn’t far enough along to have someone outperform their base stats by so much yet. So let’s just say:
BSA: Kansas City Kings (2027 version)
Loves dingers = Loves dongers
Both currently stuck in the rain in D.C
Houston Astros:
Houston has really gotten very good recently, and boast some great team friendly contracts with young talent. They seem to have their division sewn up already, and a cunning front office. Plus, Jose Altuve is fantastic, yet still underrated in the mainstream media (SAD!) Just pretend that Mike Trout is on their team too.
Springfield Stars
Shane Hutchinson = Carlos Correa
David Davidson = Mike Trout
Cleveland Indians:
Went to the World Series last year, great manager, everyone loves them, expert bullpen use, offensive logo… ok, only the last one really works.
Fresno but not really.
Pepe = Chief Wahoo
If people like attempt, I'll try to do some more next month!
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