Hello Everyone,
My name is Randy Mailman. Hope you are having a great day, and fuck the Seattle Pikes. You may have heard of me. I'm a pitcher for the Vista Panthers. I previously played for the New York Knights and made the BSA at the ripe age of 17.
I've been around the block in the BSA world. Even though I'm overweight and aging fast, I had my best BSA season ever last year. I came from the same as Dale Reese, except he's way richer than I am now and I'm the better player. Haha Dale, you suck.
Anyways, I'm here to talk about a player I really like. He's new to our team and since he's still relatively young I haze the shit out of him.
I'm Mailman, so I like to deliver. I throw shit at all of my teammates and I'm generally an annoying fuck to young players. Dante being no exception.
Except it doesn't fucking work. The little shit literally hits everything I throw at him. I thought he was only good at hitting baseballs but he literally hits everything.
Throw some used condoms? He hits it back and it exploded in my face.
Throw twinkies? He hits it. And they some how magically stay fully intact until they hit me in the face.
I've even thrown a pizza at Dante and he just hits it, stays all in one piece and lands in front of a homeless person about 440 feet away.
Look at this little asshole:
Dante, wipe that "you can't haze me Mailman" grin off your face.
I guess I can't be too mad at Dante though since he's on my team and he's balling like he's Jim Jones.
49 ABs and dude hasn't struck out once. Hell, he's only had one 0-2 plate appearance.
Dante is the type of player that makes our GM wet, I know that much.
Anyways, I love you Dante. Keep Balling.
Sincerely,
Randy Mailman
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